Sunday, April 20, 2014

I miss...

























In my late teens early 20's the phrase "I miss..." and the phrase "I love..." used to just pop in my head.  Followed by this sense of confusion and wonder.  I found it odd but instinctively knew it was that someday the dot dot dot would fill in.  That my soul was waiting and knew things that I didn't.

When I married that hot dude of mine that "I love..." was filled in and said and continually said out loud on a constant basis.  Then I had babies.  And it was filled again.  And it's filled in over and over and over all the time.  It's awesome.

I just occurred to me that the "I miss..." has been filled in too.  It was inevitable that the "I miss..." would be met with a little heartache.

But I have to humbly say that no one can prepare you for when you lose someone close to you.  I never got it.  I super emotionlessly (to a degree of course), inexperienced, gratefully at the time... did. not. get it.

I miss her.  It's really really painful.  That's just truth.  Two years ago today.  Still feels like it happened a minute ago yet feels like its been a decade since I got to speak with her.  It's painful.  I need my Mom.

I was searching though my blog.  Old entries.  And found this photo above of her and my boy.  She travelled all the way up into that place I used to live...which will remain nameless but you can read all about it from years 2008-2010.  You're welcome.  Anyway I remember just loving having her there.  She wanted to come so she could know what it was truly like to live there.  It's a whole other world.  And she said that the pictures just really can't describe it.  She had that right I'll tell ya!

And with sifting through those old blog entries oh the joy I had reading how dumb funny I was.  Sometimes lame...sometimes laugh out loud worthy.  All the same...it was me.  And of course...I missed blogging again.

























I soooo loved to document. And still do in written journals. But I loved to be me in this space.  For those first few years after leaving Nova Scotia - home, family, friends and my whole world...this space was where I found my creative outlet.  Where I found friends and kept in touch with all my people.  When I would get tons of comments it made life not so lonely.  I think only bloggers and avid blog readers can truly get what I mean.  Its just a space where you get to be you and feel connected.

I guess a few things happened...

I had another tornado child.  And I felt like they both needed me more then I needed to do this for myself.  Self care???  Who needs that???!! 



I started to feel like it wasn't as much fun as it used to be.  Like there were bloggers out there doing something with their words that were making a difference and naturally I hoped I could do the same but that just didn't work out for me.

I also think the things I wanted/needed to talk about were starting to get serious.  And I like the mix between serious topic and funny commentary.  But there was a LOT of serious going on all up in my head.   And with that.....HOLY amount of things I've wanted to write over the years and wrote in my head...but never got to a keyboard to slam it out.  Oh those lost words and moments.  Dangit!

With that two things...I think we live in a social media world now where people are a little too comfortable spitting out their opinions in such ways that if I were having a face to face conversation with that person...they would NEVER say that to my face.  Ever.  And I don' t want to be a person who may write something that would offend, belittle, be insensitive to, or be ignorant to anyone.  I think we are hard enough on ourselves without reading something that hits us in the face and makes us feel like crap.

Let me insert a humble lesson...I feel like if you wouldn't say it to someone's face...why are you saying it all over social media?  I think it's super important to have opinions and passionate discussion.  I love diversity and hearing how people live what they think and what they believe.   I think those conversations and opinions need to be person to person though.  You can't read a person's expression through text and therefore you can not know the intent or heart that goes with that opinion.  It's okay to be a bit "private in public".  Lady Gaga said that.  So you must listen to her.  Oh how I miss the days of FB when we just shared a few photos and said random funny commentary.  That happened.  In the ancient FB days.  Truth.

The other thing is that I battle between documenting these little peoples life and our life in a world of super creepy people who are able to come on and see my life unfold.  There are times I want to lock it up....get it in paper format and shut it down.  I battle with it.

But I miss it all.

It's weird to be touching on this topic right now. And super random.  I guess it's just what's on my mind.  Thinking of my Mom.  My Mom always....every time we spoke...would say how much she loved my blog.  My writing.  How she couldn't wait for a new post.  I guess that's where this one comes from.  Her.  She was a writer too.  In fact I found poems she wrote.  They were amazing.  I wish I had known all these years that she wrote those kind of things.  We had that in common.  I guess this post is for her.


And last logistics. If I'm being super honest...I don't have a laptop like I used to have. And then when I got this beast of a computer (don't get me wrong...me loves the beast) it was in the area I spent most of my time in in my last house. Close to the TV obviously. I will never lie nor apologize nor feel (totally) ashamed that me and TV are besties. My computer is not anywhere near my TV, bed or heated blanket. I'm sacrificing a lot right now writing this. Obviously my hands are freezing despite the magic bag I have to warm them up every few minutes.  You're welcome again.  ;)

Spring time is coming and warm temperatures are trying to be consistent.  If you know me at all you know winter does me in.  I get pretty seasonally bummed.  Though this year I tried to not get too intense trying to figure out a way to move to Hawaii.  Stupid 'Hawaii Life' show....curse you!!!  But I spent a good 30 minutes showing some ice where it can 'stick it' and that stuff melted like Olaf by the fire.  That's right...DIE SNOW DIE!  I've got feelings about it all.  

So with warmer temperatures comes snap happy photo Mom.  I plan many Mommy dates with my photog friend down the street practicing the craft.  I need her to teach me a few things.  Thanks in advance GH! ;)

So in old blogging Kristi fashion (and to lighten the mood) here's some of the things I'm up too.

1: Book I'm reading...





































One of many naturally.  I usually have a ton going at once.  I get in different reading moods.  It's a problem.  Like a good one nonetheless...but a problem.  I'm having a hard time getting into it.  Maybe because I'm forgetting what happened in the first two so I'm a little lost.  Guess I should go watch the movie (Divergent) to help out a bit.  

2. Netflix show I'm watching...

And yes my iPad is beside me with this show buzzing in the background. I can't have it quiet for too long unless I'm sleeping.

3. Song in my head...
 

See there was this one time it was playing in Dollarama and I had no one around me to high five...and it's still in my head.  Naturally.

4. Something I love...





































Finding pretty images on Pinterest. I can't find original source so if you find this original source let me know and I'll link you up. I love this one especially today. For some reason when I see or think of butterflies I think of my Mama.

 5. Working on... (not me in this...nor my picture...just sayin)


Still working on my health (and stomach attacks). I'm a little step further each day (and sometimes 10 steps back depending on the day). It's a process.

So there you have it.


Today...

I'll have some fun celebrations with family and adopted MB family.

We will remember what Christ did for us.  And we will make sure the little peeps know it too in the best way we can.  I have one who gets a little choked up about things like this.

And I'll remember my Mom...like I do every day.  And it still knocks the wind out of me every time.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Lately...





















That headline gave me fuzzy thoughts.  Obviously.

I'm not going to complain though.  We could be colder then Mars.  Oh wait...

In case you're wondering, the plans to move to the tropics aren't working out...still.

Okay I'll move on from complaining about the weather.  I just have a lot of feelings on the subject.

Because it's been so cold outside we've had a few cases of cabin fever.

When Mama starts rocking back and forth in front of the window - twitching - something needs to change.

I'm joking.

That didn't happen.

Lately that is.

We had a couple of extra days of Christmas vacation here because it was so cold that school was cancelled.

So at 4:30pm - because we do all things after nap time obviously - we packed up and drove into the city and went to the new indoor playground.

It took us 30mins longer to get there because of rush hour and there was only two other families there but it was soooo needed for my little people.

















This guy was pretty pumped.  It was an extremely quiet and kidless Christmas vacation so he was really needing and deserving to get out.

When we first told the three year old we were going he wasn't feeling it.  He tends to get hesitant to suggestions of what he should do with his valuable time.

But then I showed him pictures.










































Then life got really good!











To say the were GIVEN 'ER would be an understatement.
At the end when it was time to go.  And with beet red faces (some more then others) big brother grabbed little brother like this and started walking with him telling him it was time to go home.  
It was the bloody cutest thing one could ever see.  






































On the random...

*This year's resolution theme is basic self care.  It's weird that needs to be a resolution but I can very easily do nothing for myself on a day to day basis.  Other then naps that is.  But that's for others too because Kristi goes CRAY CRAY if I don't get that rest in mid-day.  Getting my hair done, exercise, time alone, time with friends, dates with husband...all these things don't happen enough.  I can go weeks without leaving the house.  It's not good.  Not healthy.  It may have something to do with being colder than Mars.  Just sayin'.  Going to try to push myself anyway.

*I've been doing things I like more consistently.  Taking more photos, working on photo books, playing the guitar, writing in journals.  I've been needing that.  Someday I want to write a book.  Its been in my head since I was a wee young lass.  Hoping to grab some inspiration this year.

*I have pink in my hair.  It makes me oddly giddy sometimes.  Reminds me of when my Mom coloured my hair purple in third grade.  Because my Mom was cool like that.

*I've been watching Once Upon A Time on Netflix.  Man Snow White can kick some you know what!

*I watch way too much TV by the way.

*I actually love to watch way too much TV.  I started to get rid of some channels to save money.  And the next hour I got them back.   Meh...everyone has a thing.



Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 in review...

I sent this little note out to the family this year so for my own records I thought I'd just add this on here...

Remember that time I used to blog??

Good times they were.

Moving on...

-----


Here's tidbits of our year......point form style!!  'Cause that's how I gotta roll!

-January through May was snowy and cold.  
-Kristi did whatever she could to not leave the house at this time.
-Often you would find Husband on the roof chiselling ice off of the vents so as to allow air to escape.  Things got stinky if he didn't.
-After the snow melted in MAY....ugh!!....Kristi came out of hibernation.
-In the spring Isaiah played soccer again and loved it.  He definitely is a super fast runner.  He has a hard time "stealing" the ball because he was raised not to steal.  Ha!  So maybe we can find him track next year.  















-Summer was filled with kids outside everyday all day long with the kids from the neighbourhood.





















-Isaiah took swimming lessons and really improved.  He was signed up for a second session but contracted impetigo (rash on his face) so we had to pull him a little early.  He still loved it and hopes to do it again this summer!
































-Kristi had the best husband ever who surprised her with Taylor Swift tickets for her birthday!!  What??!!!  I'll never top that!  Except maybe his Christmas gift! ;) Bang bang!!

































-Elias also got more comfortable in the water.  We love it when he doesn't freak out.   It's basically bliss.






-We went to the famous Grand Beach.  It's beautiful but has NOTHING on beaches at home.  Obviously!  ;)

































-We got to go to tinker town which is an amusement park just for little bitty kids.  Elias really loved it this year as he could go on all the rides in his SIZE FIVE body!
































-The cousins (Nick and Audrey and peeps) came to visit and we had fun at a splash park.

  































-This happened to Abi...

-oh how I  laugh...and laugh...and laugh at those photos!  You're welcome.
-At the close of summer Kristi cried a lot.

-Husband laughed at Kristi.
-We got to go to Alberta for a super fast trip and it was breathtaking and wonderful.  



-Kristi got to see Lake Louise.

-Kristi cried about seeing Lake Louise.

-Kristi understands that she cries too much.

































-Isaiah started grade one.  He is with all his friends from last year.  We are lucky he is in that small little school.  He loves grade one and got fantastic grades on his first report card.


































































































-Isaiah also started judo and was a fast learner.



































-Elias got to go to watch Isaiah learn judo.  I don't think he saw much as he entertained all the other parents and children waiting in the room.
-This year Isaiah has an intense obsession with Minecraft (pray for our sanity please) and still loves mario, drawing, legos, perler beads (to make mario and minecraft guys) and is still super soft hearted, kind to everyone and a huge help with his little brother.  Isaiah's health issues with his auto immune disease (linear morphea) has dramatically improved by solely taking him off of gluten.  His hair has completely grown back other then the site where they did the biopsy.  So far he is medication free and we are pleased as punch about that.
-Elias is really growing into a kid.  No babies in this house anymore.  This summer he got rid of his soother, moved to a big boy bed and is fully potty trained (at night too!!).  He's fiercely passionate in all things.  His emotions are always high intensity.  (Kristi is reading a book about it ha ha ha!) He's extremely smart and has an amazing memory.  He's built like his Dad and is in size 4-5 clothes.  He loves all super heroes especially batman and dresses up as batman almost daily.  Unless he's wearing Isaiah's "Incredible's" pyjama's and then he wears those for three days straight.  He has them on as a I type.  He says things you hope your kids won't say like "bad guys go to jail", "I can't say stupid Mommy, I'm not allowed to say stupid" (all so that he can actually say the word stupid) and too often says "I'm gonna punch the bad guys in the face!".  You can thank Husband for this.
-Husband is still working out like a champ, plays hard with his kids, and tells his wife daily that she's beautiful and that he loves her.  
-Kristi has been working at Unconventional Kitchen part time, trying to make it through another Manitoba winter, working on her health, and being a Mom and wife...and loving that job most of all.  She's been playing her guitar, taking photos, journalling and watching way too much netflix while she cleans and cooks.  She misses her Mom a lot.  She's also pretty close to convincing her Dad to come visit.  Cough...Greg!

Well that's about all the time I have.  I can only ignore Elias for so long before he threatens to rip the walls down.

I hope this all finds you happy, healthy and looking forward to a new year.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

And this guy...


This guy keeps me on my toes for sure.  He is definitely spirited and you can be sure that you'll either know exactly what he wants or NOT know what he wants at all.  Yeah...its fun like that.


He loves all things super hero but is partial to batman.  So obviously his batman PJ's were being washed in this photo.  He normally wouldn't take them off for days.  That's the way we roll round here! Less laundry!  Holla!

He loves his older brother and follows him around and when they aren't trying to play wrestle they play pretty well together.   He's starting to really getting into individual play.  Things are surprisingly quiet here during the day.  He talks to himself a lot.  It's bloody cute.
 He loves to play cops.  I have no idea why.  Who even teaches their kids that anyway??  He's often clearing rooms with toy guns.  He's doing that right now as I type. Yeah I tried really hard not to have toy guns around here.  Boys...

See he digs the batman.  There's a lot of passion around here for it.  I feel very safe here with all these super heros around.

He is not the best traveller.  As in taking a 40 minute trip to the city is pure torture for him.  But we learned that if we tell him we are going to the super cool place called Alberta to see dinosaurs...that kid will sit for hours.  And driving while they sleep through the night helps.

He's a good napper and he's a really super adorable cuddley kid.  He also talks like crazy and I'm always shocked when he spills out full on sentences.  Especially that time he said "what the heck, oh my gosh."  Uh oops.  

He's big.  Like his Dad.  People always ask how old he is.  Probably because he still talks like he's not quite three yet.  That's because he's actually not quite three yet.  He wears size 4 - 5.  Big brother and him can switch up clothes in a pinch.  Win! 

He adores his family.  He really does.  If one of us isn't around he's asking where we are and when are we coming back.  He also is the best welcoming committee.  Unless he's ticked you abandoned him to go to the store for 15 minutes.  Passion...lots of passion.


He's pretty up for any adventure and likes to make my heart stop in a panic.  That's always fun too. 

He's learned to smile for his Mom for photos.  He gets that I need to put them on a blog to share with the world.

Sometimes I take too many to hold the smile... 


He really loves his Daddy. 

Like idolizes him. 


His favorite things is treats and he's going through a fun eating phase of a cereal and crackers diet.  Yep...food preacher here has a hard time too.  See...we're all into this together.  He of course loves ice cream.  His stomach doesn't but once in awhile we let go.

I can't imagine life without him.  He just makes things so fun and funny.   

 I think this pretty much sums up his personality to a tee...

I love you so much buddy. And I love the dance party you're having behind my back right now.  I could just kiss your face off.  Oh wait...I do kiss your face off! ;)


On the random...

-I'm gaining lots of clarity on the health front regarding food.  Wow its been a long 18+ years.
-doTerra is my life line during the day. 
-We are on the last big project in our house renovation.  Then we just have to finish up all the little touches.  Sigh of relief here.
-I'm going to wait to complain about winter coming....and I'll wait to do a spring countdown until after Christmas.  You're welcome.
-I miss my Mama.  Did anyone out there know that she wrote poems?  I didn't until yesterday when I found some.  She was soooooo good.  I'll share one sometime.
-I'm starting to like instagram.  Dangit!!  I tried to stay away.
-I don't have photoshop right now.  It's making me a little crazy.  
-I found socks that require me to wear only one pair.  HOLLA!
-Sometimes I value a clean house a wee bit too much...but its the only way I can function and feel allergy free.  So maybe I don't value it too much.  #lightbulbwentoff
-I'm trying really hard to love cooking and baking.   I know right??!  You'd think I would.  Nope...weird I know.  Crap and I need to figure out dinner still.  
-I sort of don't love Halloween.  Its just not my favourite.  But I will do my best to enjoy it over the next billion years for the kiddos.
-David's Tea and I are besties.
-I miss this blog land.  Hi blog land.
-I want to hang out with T-Keeping in real life.  #livetoofaraway
-I actually started my Christmas shopping.  That never happens!
-This is the longest random list.  Guess that's what happens when I don't write often.


What's up in your daily moments right now?  No really...I want to know.  Its bear season...I don't leave my house so I got time to listen.  I know...its not even snowing yet.  Whatev's.